Crabcore/Crunkcore/Aural Gonorrhea

Crabcore:

From the guys that were probably in your local high school's ska band five years ago comes the genius idea to combine screamo, metal, dimestore power-pop and eurotrash techo! And why is it called Crabcore? Watch...

First up, Attack!Attack!

Wait for the breakdown! Which one? All 17 of them!

The way they use the same vocal effect as T-Pain/Cher is great! It's so original, the way they don't even try to blend the styles together! I can listen to so many different songs without even skipping the track!

It's been 15 fucking years? Why hasn't the US declared Warped Tour a terrorist organization yet?

Crunkcore:

Back in the early '00s, (a more innocent time, really) I'd put my Lil' Jon record on, lay back and ponder what would happen if someone put a fucking gun to his head and made him work with a screamo band.

I don't have to wonder now:

I have Brokencyde!

Last time I checked it was illegal to have tweens swallow your shit. Lock these dudes up!

All of the vapidity of bling-rap, with the whining of a screamo band? Shit! How could it go wrong? Let's get freaky indeed!

Education is the only way to stop this.

Don't let your teen/tween/27 year old son that lives in your basement and dresses like he's in AFI go down to Hot Topic and buy this stuff. Just lock them in their room, put a speaker to the door, and play some Fugazi. Or some Dylan. And maybe a little ODB. It'll really bum them out at first, and they'll be pissed at you for a while. But someday they'll thank you for not letting them leave the house looking like this:

It's a guy. No, really.

Or they'll just turn into these guys...